We Not Coming To America If You’re There

Posted on July 6th, 2009 at 3:13 am by blunt delivery

33


We Not Coming To America If You’re There

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July free of sky concerts that included Neil Diamond singing “We Coming To America.”  For the first time in my meager existence, I did.  And it was everything I’d ever dreamed it would be.

Lately, as I’ve jogged across the blogosphere [which is about the only place I'm jogging these days], I’ve noticed a trend.  Everyone has a too-cool -for-school day of the week alliteration thing going on.  At some point when I was in blogging school I must have been making out behind the bleachers because I didn’t realize I needed to participate in one of these to be successful and loved by my invisible friends.  There’s TMI Tuesdays, and Wordless Wednesdays, and Music Mondays. … But you know that I’m far to much of a snob to subject myself to using someone else’s day of the week thing. 

breast-milkI need my own, man.

So as I was thinking about what I could possibly do, I realized that this means yet another category.  I mean, the options are endless.  Talk-About-My-Obsession-With-Tacos-Tuesday, Why-I-Quit-Therapy Thursdays, Misunderstandings-With-My-Mother Mondays, How-The-Heck-Are-People-Using -This-Search-Engine-Terminology-To-End-Up-At-My-Blog-Wednesdays, Crap-I-Don’t-Anymore-Want-Saturdays, Who’s-Gonna-Confiscate-The-Contents-Of-My-Freezer-Before-I-Have-To-Be-Removed-From-My-House-Via-Crane-Fridays.

Wait, what am I doing? 

Here I am sitting here going on and on about how beautiful and young and in-shape this amazing new category will be, meanwhile you’re sitting on pins and needles waiting patiently to hear what the old, new category will be for Lisa and Brit’s Shenanigans.  Wow, you really did mean it when you took those vows, didn’t you?   I’m so inconsiderate.  I also blame that on being born in an trailer park.   Um, if you’re new here, I apologize… well, for many things, but that’s not the point.  You’re really gonna need to read the last two blogs to know what’s going.  Here and Here.

PLEASE BE SEATED DUE TO STAGGERING RESULTS BELOW

Thank you to all who voted.  Um, including Lisa, who voted for three different categories, which helped me zero percent - thus, her vote will be thrown out.  Sorry?  Those of you who cast your vote twice, only the first choice shall be considered.  Yea, I run a tight ship. Get back in your quadrant!  Or, whatever.

Here’s the top three and honorable mentions:

Lisa Boob Report = 7

Lisa Legends =5

Me, Myself, And Lisa = 4

Great Scott! How did that happen? =3

Bizarro Brit: Lisa is The Normal One = 1  [this was submitted under "OTHER" although there wasn't an option for this, but thanks anyway Brandon]

*Absentee Ballot [Timoteo, although you were late I did accept your doctor’s note but I regret to inform you that I cannot use The Martian Chronicles OR I’m Not Lisa “with and arrow pointing to myself.”  Um, because I said so.

Well, well, well.. it’s no surprise that my entirely inappropriate group of readers have chosen:

 LISA BOOB REPORT 

It’s things like this that keep me going.  Although this is still a bit long, I could shorten it to “Boob Report.”  I’d like to say a big thank you to Bearman at Beartoons.com for coming up with a title, which I can only describe as sheer genius.

untitledSpeaking of odd search engine terms leading people to my blog I’d like to showcase this one

<——————-

which I can only guess was due to The Kenny Chronicles: I hate people who smell like breakfast. 

But I would really, really like to know who had this dilemma.  So if that was you, please speak up.   Don’t worry, I won’t make a public mockery of your seemingly terribly but actually wonderful problem.

And no, I didn’t turn a blind eye to the Creeptowns that were searching for “spank out the alphabet any letter of you” right above that.

It was a busy weekend, but I’m brewing up some good blogs for you including the first LISA BOOB REPORT as well as the first installment of Love Letters from the Crypt, or whatever the crap I’m gonna call that new category.  UGH, what do you people think I am, a category making MACHINE?!  I can only take so much.  Also, I’ve got some good Kenny Chronicles on the stove as well.

FAVORITE COMMENT OF THE WEEK:  This was just posted on my old blog Why I Hate Women: Let Me Count The Ways from a newcomer, the mysterious “Winston Smith” :

Holy ‘insert particular diety, philosophic approach or favourite fruit here.’ You made me chuckle big ones with this which is a relief coz I was doing some big women hating (not big women per se ) ANYWAY, I found the picture at the top of the page and if that’s you, I want your babies but as a man that comes across as a threat so I’ll settle for any other relations you want to cast off. Keep up the writing which doesn’t mean much really so I’ll pretend to you I’m a genius poet or something. I’m a genius poet I have a cape and everything. Everything was going so well until………..well I choked on my mayonaise sandwich and stopped my famed Hello rendition…………goodbye my friend goodbye. Keep it going sista.

Um… genius poets have capes?

 

Tags:  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,