I realize you’ve missed me, but please don’t let this hurt take a turn to Bittertown okay? I can’t deal with that kind of drama right now. I’m currently babysitting my best friend’s 6 month old. Yes, the same best friend who pumps breast milk in my car and leaves it in my fridge, okay? This is the first 10 minutes I’ve had all day and I find myself exhausted on the couch, drinking coffee that I poured five hours ago, and watching an Oprah special on loveless marriages. Somehow I feel that I’ve just been given a glimpse into my life in about fivefifteen twenty years. I’m sorry, will you excuse me while I wipe the squash residue off my glasses?
Ok, I’m back.
So I went to bed around 1am, considering I had to get up early and write my articles so I could watch the munchkin all day. Somewhere around 2, I was like, what the crap? So I proceeded to pop in one of my all time favorite movies: ONLY YOU. Stop scratching your head, you’ve never seen it. And if you have, you wrote it off within the first 5 mins as terribly cheesy and ridiculous. And you’d be right. Cus it is. But I love it to pieces and that is just something you’ll have to live with.
The reasons why I love this movie far outnumber the stars in the sky. Robert Downey, Jr. speaking Italian is a big part of it, yes. So is Bonnie Hunt. Marisa Tomei, well, I just ignore her. But the main reason is because after those first unbearable 5 mins, the rest of it is set in Italy. You all know about my obsession with all things Italian, yes? My great-grandparents migrated from Milan, perhaps that’s what initially sparked my interest. Unfortunately, my obsession grew exponentially when I actually went to Italy and saw it for myself. Double unfortunately,Paris Guy also came and he was a Mr. Grumpy the whole time. He almost, almost ruined the trip. Then my camera broke right in front of the Collosseum and that’s what actually ruined my trip.
Needless to say, I cannot express the beauty that my eyes beheld. Not only the scenery, but the people. It’s the land of luxury, where people actually care about something more than money. They enjoy life. They can’t understand you, but they’ll laugh with you and hand you some ice cream. Or a plate of pasta. Please, if you ever have the opportunity, go as quickly as you can. It IS as beautiful as it looks. It WILL change your life. And I PROMISE to stop talking about Italy now.
Anyway, I’ve never been a mushy, gooey, romantic person. I can’t even accept a compliment on my hair much less someone telling me that they can’t live without me. Half of the reason is because I think it’s all b.s. and the other half is because my awkward middle school personality resurfaces. I don’t like 99% of chic flicks, I hate receiving flowers or any other impractical gift that dies or has an expiration date, I would never dance in the middle of a street, I don’t want a fairytale wedding, and I certainly don’t celebrate “anniversaries,” whether they be actual legitimate yearly milestones or fake excuses to go out to eat, like, say, 7 months.
Although ONLY YOU may be a chic flick, the sheer beauty is that it actually makes fun of the concept of “destiny” and preconceived ideas that there is one true soulmate for everyone. Because would I watch it if it didn’t? Absolutely not. I think when I was younger, I believed that your whole life was a search for “your other half,” and now, I believe you could be happy with any number of people. Just in a different way. I’m not sure which conclusion is the right one, and I have a feeling I never will.
However, there are exceptions to every rule. And this is my exception: if I should ever find myself strolling along a rainy, cobblestone, Italian street, while being serenaded by a gray-haired black man (note: he HAS to be black for this scenario to work) playing the saxophone, while talking to a charming and dangerously humorous brunette who was able to quote Goethe - I just might dance in the middle of the street. Under the right circumstances, anything is possible.
If you’d like to witness this exact scenario, please skip ahead to 1:35. If not, please watch the entire thing anyway.
Only by joy and sorrow does a person know anything about themselves and their destiny.
Hey Brit - If you’re walking the cobblestones of Italy with Essence magazine tucked under your arm, that gray haired black man’s going to expect more than a dance.
Agree with everything you’ve said about Italy. The attitude, warmth, cuisine, and culture really leave a lot to be desired stateside. Funny you mentioned Milan. I’m psyched to be going in September. Now if only I knew more than a smattering of dialect.
Two flies have been buzzing around this monitor for about an hour and I’m seriously about to lose my frigggin’ mind.
mr. condescending - sigh. if only it were my reality. i would do anything, i repeat, anything to live there.
mvd- hahaha. i totally forgot about that?! i wonder if i moved there if my subscription would find me? Milan was alright, but i’m more of a Tuscany kind of gal. I mean, its ALL good, but if i had to choose. Of course, venice is amazing, but there’s something about Tuscany thats just, unbelievable.
the language barrier is rough - luckily i knew spanish so i could understand most things, but they at least work with you there. unlike freakin PARIS
theresa- of ALL the places i’ve been.. that is the only place i’d suggest beg anyone to go. and really, anywhere in the entire country is beautiful. the whole thing is like one giant postcard.
Aw Brit, now I want to go to Italy! As for your “I don’t like 99% of chic flicks, I hate receiving flowers or any other impractical gift that dies or has an expiration date, I would never dance in the middle of a street, I don’t want a fairytale wedding, and I certainly don’t celebrate “anniversaries,” whether they be actual legitimate yearly milestones or fake excuses to go out to eat, like, say, 7 months.” All this is true about me as well with the exception of the dancing part that is (You did say there is always an exception…lol)
I have never been a member of the “one and only” club. I once had a boyfriend who was probably the chairman for our region, and he got on my nerves.
Sarah
7 months ago
Ok, just to throw my two cents in, Italy is gross. Rome is a dump with lots of cool stuff littered about, Naples is trash and Latina…don’t even get me started!! Things are rundown and dirty. And I did find that the people were nice, but I found that in Paris too, and they worked with me on the language barrier! I had a good experience there. So, I would trash your Italy, but the Italians have all ready done it. (p.s. my husband is Italian and his great grandparents came from Naples.
granny - i’m forreal… you see it! get past the first part and you’ll luuuurve it.
skye- aw skye, that means the deep down there is a small, teeny part of us that is that might be, dare i say, girly?
dearest bearman, i wouldn’t say Rome is the “height of Italy” it definitely wasn’t my favorite. Naples, is defintely the epitome of a big, crowded dirty city - but every country’s got them. And um, i’m not referring to a baby chickens here, so i will keep my CHIC and you just lose the attitude, k?
yorks - well, paris proposal guy was italian as well, and uh, we all know how that turned out. i don’t date them anymore.
sarah - thanks for stopping by. Italy is like every other country. There are touristy parts that are run down and crowded, but I’d take their run down and crowded parts over the ones in america any day. Naples is known to be a no-no as far as visiting. Just because some parts may have been neglected over the years, you can’t deny the millions of amazing places that are gorgeous beyond compare - the centuries old historic buildings, the art, the vineyards, the amazing food, the wonderful people….beauty is everywhere. Florence, venice, sardinia, capri, lake como… Personally, if you don’t rent a car and drive out into the countryside and really experience Italy, then you might as well not go. I could say the same for all the cities I visited in Europe.
Ha. I am old enough to know this movie and to love it. Robert and Marisa make the perfect couple. In make believe land. Whoa, I just realized that I just implied that you are old…no no no. That is not what I meant. You must have watched it with your parents, right?
I have a heartbreaking story for you. I have a friend who has always dreamed of going to Italy with her husband, someday. She never will be able to though; she is in hospice care and you know what that means. You gave great advice…do it. Everyone. Even if you are in a sexless marriage. Oh Oprah, you never cease to entertain us.
Ha. I just said do it and sexless marriage in the same breath. ha.
Must agree. I love just about everything Italian. Think I was one in a past life. Had my wedding dress copied from an Italian Vogue, took the language for years and pasta is my favorite food. Keep saying I want to go back every year. One of these days it will have to happen.
gelato, vino, what’s not to love? i’m with you girl. haven’t made it through much of italy yet, just spent some time in venice and verona, but can’t wait to get back.
I love Only You also!! I owned it on VHS back in the day, and bought it on DVD when my dual player crapped out on me a few years ago.
I am also obsessed with everything Italian. I lived in Italy for 6 months studying abroad in college and one of my life goals is to become fluent in the language.
Winston Smith
7 months ago
I just got back from my 1st opera (Rufus Wainwright’s Prima Donna) and here u are espousing Italy’s glories. What does it all mean? That I was destined for this blog?……Well, the opera was in French, so I’ll let you decide. Ooh la la.
Coming from one Brit 2 another on the subject of Italian experiences (getting lost in Venice on a school trip was so fun), I too would like to add that, on the whole, I can understand why so many people should be attracted to it. Especially after a Valpolichella or 5. From the stylish cut of their clothes 2 the renaissance high art and buildings, from their religious fever for football 2 the stunning rural landscapes of deep rich greens and rustic browns……whoa, whoa there pack of words. This is getting way too cliched TV holiday ad like. ‘Italy….a nation of contrasts’ Yeah, well Mr.TV ad I can only actually think of Legoland that could remotely get close 2 being anywhere near totally uniformed and I’m not even sure if that’s a country… (We called it ‘let-go’ in our fam because of the dog’s mission to chew on every last brick, it’s barely funny now and I never saw the dog laugh)
Anyway, above all, Italy has 2 be the best shaped country on the map. I didn’t even know I cared about that type of aesthetic in countries until Italy came along in2 my head 1 day. So there! Groundbreaking - but hopefully not.
Thanks 4 the clip. Whether it’s all very ‘dio li fa e poi li accoppia’ for some and not for others, I shall definitely light a candle for ‘Bleeding Gums Murphy’ tonight. He just loved the jazz………btw 2 all non-limeys, poms, rosbif, inselaffen etc if you too luv the jazz and just need 2 read all magazines bout it, be on ya toes if staying over here and choosing 2 go and ask 4 some jazz mags in a shop.
“I don’t like 99% of chic flicks, I hate receiving flowers or any other impractical gift that dies or has an expiration date, I would never dance in the middle of a street, I don’t want a fairytale wedding, and I certainly don’t celebrate “anniversaries,” whether they be actual legitimate yearly milestones or fake excuses to go out to eat, like, say, 7 months.”
Oh so many places to go with this one… I go with a Brit list:
1) hahahahha. You got conned into watching someone else’s damn kid. If that doesn’t make you sterile, I don’t know what will. Your boyfriend isn’t getting laid for days… months years.
2) I just wish there was a damn chick flick where the everything went wrong, everyone ended up disappointed, sad, or dead in the end, and the only person remotely happy in the end is the asshole who just got done cheating on his last girlfriend and found a new girlfriend completely obvious to his prior antics. THAT is a movie I’d watch. (I think that makes me a cynical bastard.)
3) You? Not a romantic? Shocking.
4) I’ll pass on the Italy trip, unless it’s to drive some of their amazing cars. It’s about the only useful thing they do.
i began salivating when you started discussing italy. i’ve always been more interested in greek history cuz i feel like the romans just stole all their good ideas, but damnnnnn italy is awesome.
I can play the saxophone, but the only thing I know is the Oscar Mayer song. I do play it sultrily, however. It’s got a good tempo and you can dance to it (especially in the street).
Great post! I LOVE it when you get POIGNANT and stuff (WITH the humor, of course). Wouldn’t it be crappy if there WAS only one soulmate for each of us, and he/she was in Northern Borneo hanging out with the baboons and you’d never be able to find him/her/it? Think of all the lonely people in the world…That’s why it’s so stupid to go jump into a volcano just because ONE person told you to go take a flying F*** at a rolling doughnut! (I’ve tried that–it’s difficult.)
P.S. Why are those rear-view shots of you so captivating?
jill - he is, indeed, lucky. especially if you keep draggin him to italy.
mama- don’t worry, you can’t offend me. i indeed watched this with my friends… albeit several years after it came out. but oh, so glad you share in my love for this flick. i feel that many cannot.
jen - i SO want to go back. we should have a girly blogging trip to the italian countryside.
mmclaughlin - oh you studied abroad there?!?! JEALOUS. i wish i would have picked that over london. but i had a pretty good time. i too, would love to be fluent! that accent is so SEXY
oh winston…. what can i say to all of that, except, yes… i believe you were destined for this blog. french opera? oh, that does not get the stamp of approval. i hate all things french.
cbabin - not unless you get down on one knee, hand me a red rose with babies breath, and present me with a ring in front of some sort of fountain. after taking a horse and carriage ride.
1. she actually brought me a gift at the end of the day. i was like, gees, i don’t hate it THAT much that i require a gift. haha
2. me too.
3. sigh. i know, but it never hurts to reiterate it
4. UGH. you just lost points.
candice - please tell me you’ve been there, right? you had to of been, since your job sends you freaking everywhere you slut.
hhahahahahahahahahahahah i just laughed myself into a coma
no, never been. my work has an office in spain though. sometimes my co-workers with sexy names like “francesco” emails me, and i consider asking for a transfer.
george- well i might need to enlist your services, should i travel to italy again, accompanied by a handsome brunette.
tim - 1. thanks. 2. YES, it would be crappy if there were only one soulmate. and I know what you mean about that volcano business, it’s defintely not an enjoyable experience. screw that. 3. on the rear view shots…. thats a good question. haha.
linlah - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. you know what?! in one of the six robberies i had, my passport was stolen. with all my cool stamps in it!??! so, its as if i never went. don’t get me started. but trust me, you DO want italy to be your first adventure. you will NOT regret it my dear
i’m definitely planning on going back - hopefully soon…but my friend i stayed with there is moving back to the states next month. bummer. way more fun when you have money to splurge on shoes and food and wine.
You are a hopeless romantic. And you make me laugh each and every time I read your blog. No I am not bitter you were gone..I will wait…reading this is like reading a great book in a cozy chair…thanks Zman sends
Have fun babysitting. It’s amazing to me how kids have so much energy and can just keep going. It reminds me of Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Kindergarten Cop” where he says, “Leave me alone” as he lies defeated on the bed. LOL.
I’d have to say a very very teeny tiny part, Brit! After all, look at my hairdo and tell me too many other’s of the female persuasion prefer to be bald as opposed to have hair to spend hours and hours on…lol. Hmmmm, let’s see, me and girly, I don’t do hair, nails or make-up. Dresses, nope again not my thing, I much prefer jeans or shorts and a t-shirt. Enjoy handling snakes, spiders, frogs, salimandars and other creepy crawly things, yep! Oh, sorry we’re trying to find girly things about me, um, um, um, dammit, I can’t think of anything! Well, I do enjoy dancing, not ballroom or ballet or anything like that though, the absolute best is when there’s a nice warm summer rain, I do enjoy dancng out in that!
skye - i would absolutely love to be able to rock the short haircut. but my face it way too round and i look like a freak. but boy, it would be so much nicer in this friggen scorching weather. my hair is like a big black thermal blanket.
[...] I moved in, I painted them a Tuscan yellow - which you should fully understand since you know I’m obsessed with all things Italian. That was nice…. until yellow grabbed my house by the balls and wouldn’t let go. I [...]
I am a stay-at-home, unshowered writer and aspiring author of non-fiction books. During the past 10 years, I attended college in London, traveled the world, and dated a myriad of inappropriate men. Although I have successfully avoided crossing over that shaky, domestic bridge laden with overpriced weddings and screaming babies, I have still acquired a strong appreciation for sweatpants. I enjoy photography and chronicling my ridiculous life on this personal blog, where I also use my friends' lives for a cheap laugh. My biggest fears are mayonnaise and Neil Diamond.
That's sort of what this blog is about. Sort of. But don't hold me to it, or I'll get all claustrophobic.
You are welcomed with open arms and lukewarm sentiment.
p.s. Can you tell me why I keep receiving ESSENCE magazine in the mail?
(You did say there is always an exception…lol)
It’s good to read ya.
my work has an office in spain though. sometimes my co-workers with sexy names like “francesco” emails me, and i consider asking for a transfer.
August 11th, 2009 → 2:36 am
[...] I moved in, I painted them a Tuscan yellow - which you should fully understand since you know I’m obsessed with all things Italian. That was nice…. until yellow grabbed my house by the balls and wouldn’t let go. I [...]
March 6th, 2010 → 10:33 pm
[...] WANTED: Gray-Haired Black Man With Saxophone Skills | Blunt Delivery [...]