The Truth About Pimps And Such

Posted on July 26th, 2009 at 12:24 am by blunt delivery

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The Truth About Pimps And Such

Could you please unbundle your panties for a split second?  I’m getting around to part II of the Kenny Chronicles: Risky Doesn’t Begin To Describe This Business, but there are more pressing matters at hand.

If I’m being honest - I never cared for Pimps.  Call me a prude. Call me old-fashioned.  Call me closed-minded.  It’s probably a fair assessment considering I am, afterall, from the Midwest.  Feel free to adhere every label to me that you can possibly craft with your label-maker.  I’ve just always felt that the way they made their living was a wee bit underhanded, skeezy, and against the law. 

Well… today is the day I must own up to my actions and slip on the cloak of hypocrisy…  cus I’m about to PIMP YOU OUT.  Oh no?  Oh, yes.   Recently, I’ve received two awards from Skye over at Weekly Injection of Chuckles and one from Funny Runner at Literally Laughing Out Loud.  I am forever endebted to these gorgeous ladies, and undeserving of their pimpage. 

There are tons of people I’m growing quite fond of around the blogosphere, including the aforemention ladies, but none of these awards quite convey the emotion that I feel when my head hits the pillow and I dream of their hilarity.  So I decided, why not create my own?  And indeed, that is what I’ve done. 

blunt-delivery-award<———-I present to you, the much coveted cadillac of all blog awards. 

I realize that the design of this award probably isn’t helping in my plight to convince the universe that this is not a blog dedicated to the transport of illegal chemical substances, but what’s done is done.  My computer has a mind of it’s own, and I’m trying not to sweat the small stuff these days.

So hear ye, hear ye, we are now gathered for the first ever Blunty Awards, which are shaping up to be the Oscars of the blogosphere.  In fact, those of you not currently dressed in black tie attire - GET OUT!  This esteemed award will be granted to whomever I deem fit, whenever I deem fit.  Cus I’m a control freak like that. I will be handing these out in a VERY stingy manner.  None of this 10 or 15 at a time…cus sonofagun, I want this to mean something.  Just because you didn’t get one today doesn’t mean you’re not HIGHlarious -like I said, quality not quantity. 

The recipients, in no particular order, are as follows:  [please note that all pictures have been selected by me, without the owner's permission; nor has the information in these bios been approved or verified]

blogging-awardsCandice, my Canadian discovery.  This girl blogs about her world travels, while working as a technical writer for a deep sea technology company.  She’s a raging and unabashed alcoholic, commitment-phobe, but best of all, she’s inappropriately honest.  I don’t love her in spite of these things, I love her because of them.  But please keep her in your prayers.  P.S. Yes, that is a coffee filter.

 

 

 

Suldog, the hilarious.  Suldog is just your run of the mill Voice Artist that enjoys a good inappropriate groping on occasion.

 

 

 

Lola, my evil East Coast twin. She’s brunette.  She’s non-girly.  Women immediately hate her and think she’s out to rob them of their man, their life, and their happiness.  But we’re not, are we Lola?

 

The Most Essential of all Essential Bastards.   How many times do I have to pimp this guy out?  Well, one more can’t hurt. It’s the least I can do for my non-metrosexual male equivalent.

 

*DISCLAIMER: Before you submit that disgruntled comment, please know that I in no way endorse or condone the use of drugs, nor do I think they’re funny.  If you think this might be the case, then you must be new here.  But, I’ll bet if you just take a deep breath, sit back, and think about it -you’ll realize that Cop Barbie holding bags of crack the size of her head is pretty HIGHlarious.

Now go forth and visit my peeps like good boys and girls.

[Winners, you can feel free to copy the award from here, or I can send you an HTML link.  Or you can choose not to sport it on your blog and be a big, fat, ungrateful loser who's ashamed of me, then I will recant my kind words.]

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