Family Matters | Blunt Delivery

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

→ June 25, 2009 38

That would be an exact quote from my loving, very proud, first-time father the moment I was born into this world. I thought for years this was due to the fact that he had never seen a newborn in all it’s alien likeness before; however, my mom set the record straight when she told me I was indeed, [...]

Dad, You Look Like A Pencil With A Frizzy Top

→ June 22, 2009 39

My father, a self-proclaimed hippie and raging alcoholic until the day he met my gorgeous mother, wore a brown leisure suit and platform shoes to his wedding. I forgive him for this offense, only because my mother wore a black, sparkly pantsuit. ALERT: I’m about to get all personal up on this blog. Something which few [...]

Dear Midwest, Without You I’d Be Famous

→ June 6, 2009 39

You know your hair is too long when you have to start using conditioner meant for a horse. Gees, people. I’m just saying. But on a side note, it works rather nicely. So I’ve heard. People always ask me, actually they harshly criticize and often yell at me, for the fact that I’ve never moved out of this God-forsaken craphole [...]

Knock, Knock. Is Crazy There?

→ May 2, 2009 47

Dear Last Week, Jigga, what just happened? Anxiously awaiting your reply, Blunt. Don’t you worry, if there’s one good thing that can come from having one of the most random, disturbing, and shocking weeks ever is that there is all the more to entertain you with, my dears. I have blog material for two months at least. *On a [...]

Where Beer Flows Like Boxed Wine

→ April 23, 2009 48

It’s no wonder I don’t make any sense. I’m a combination of two polar opposites, who by all rights, should never have met much less married. My mother came from a nazi-strict household where she wasn’t allowed to see movies or go to fooball games, for fear she would encounter Satan himself. She also wasn’t allowed to celebrate Christmas which explains why [...]

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

→ April 20, 2009 57

What exactly is it with the Recycle Bin on my desktop? And why is it that everytime I go to empty it, I accidentally delete it? And why is it that when I go to search for it in my computer, it says ‘no results found?’ And why is my computer trying so hard to [...]

Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

→ April 14, 2009 56

This is a snapshot of my life on any given day. …Piles of unopened mail. …30 different notepads with un-descipherable scribbles of random thougths that I’ve written down when I was supposed to be hanging out with someone. After Easter, the Cadbury chocolate bar could be easily substituted for Reeses or anything but Milk Duds. [...]

The Easter Bunny Can Suck It

→ April 13, 2009 41

It’s Easter. I’m sitting next to my dad in church. All of the sudden, right before the service starts he turns to me and grabs my arm: Dad: Oh, you know what? Me: What’s that? Dad: I heard Yanni is coming out with a new cd. If this conversation isn’t the right way to kick off Easter, I don’t know [...]

Alice Cooper and Committment Issues

→ February 25, 2009 5

I was thinking that we would touch the subject of commitments and fears and all sorts of deep rooted feelings that surface on a late saturday night. Sound fun? Ok, let’s get right to it: I have serious problems with committment. Hmm. Well, I know I just said I was going to talk about that but [...]

Like Black On A Chalkboard

→ February 24, 2009 2

One of my goals for 2009 was to “stop fabricating the truth” so that means that what you are about to witness is definitely legit. My family is hilarious. We’re like the token Italian family they always showcase in movies, who talk over eachother and have 8 different conversations happening at once. Except, my mom [...]

There is more where that came from »Family Matters« Follow This Topic

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

Dad, You Look Like A Pencil With A Frizzy Top

Dear Midwest, Without You I’d Be Famous

Knock, Knock. Is Crazy There?

Where Beer Flows Like Boxed Wine

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

The Easter Bunny Can Suck It

Alice Cooper and Committment Issues

Like Black On A Chalkboard

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