Blogging | Blunt Delivery

Chances Are, I’m A Pervert [Plus Another Announcement]

→ August 1, 2009 28

Today, while at a routine stop at the Goodwill, I put these three items on the counter. They were exactly what I was looking for. We don’t have the time nor resources to get into the logistics of exactly why I needed this combination of items, but one could assume that I’m a third degree pervert who is [...]

The Truth About Pimps And Such

→ July 26, 2009 37

Could you please unbundle your panties for a split second? I’m getting around to part II of the Kenny Chronicles: Risky Doesn’t Begin To Describe This Business, but there are more pressing matters at hand. If I’m being honest - I never cared for Pimps. Call me a prude. Call me old-fashioned. Call me closed-minded. It’s probably [...]

You Big, Fat, Fake Smart Person

→ July 22, 2009 43

Let me just start by saying a big Blunt Thank You to those of you who faithfully read this blog. I started blogging when I lost my job and needed something to distract me from accidentally running into oncoming traffic realized that I wanted to write books based on my life experiences, except I couldn’t remember half of them. Yes, it could be partly [...]

WANTED: Gray-Haired Black Man With Saxophone Skills

→ July 17, 2009 42

I realize you’ve missed me, but please don’t let this hurt take a turn to Bittertown okay? I can’t deal with that kind of drama right now. I’m currently babysitting my best friend’s 6 month old. Yes, the same best friend who pumps breast milk in my car and leaves it in my fridge, okay? [...]

We Not Coming To America If You’re There

→ July 6, 2009 33

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July free of sky concerts that included Neil Diamond singing “We Coming To America.” For the first time in my meager existence, I did. And it was everything I’d ever dreamed it would be. Lately, as I’ve jogged across the blogosphere [which is about the only place I'm jogging [...]

Dear ESSENCE Magazine,

→ June 11, 2009 42

You’ve been appearing in my mailbox for going on 4 months now. I called you, and like a red-headed stepchild you said you had nothing to do with it, which I think might just be a bold-faced lie from the pits of hell. You told me to send an email to cancel the subscription I never ordered, and [...]

Dear Midwest, Without You I’d Be Famous

→ June 6, 2009 39

You know your hair is too long when you have to start using conditioner meant for a horse. Gees, people. I’m just saying. But on a side note, it works rather nicely. So I’ve heard. People always ask me, actually they harshly criticize and often yell at me, for the fact that I’ve never moved out of this God-forsaken craphole [...]

Here’s The Thing About Men

→ May 21, 2009 43

So I had a crush. A big one. I remember, it was third grade… and it was bad. To keep things easy and confidential we’ll call him Norm. Not to imply, by any means, that this young lad was normal… because he was not. This is also not to imply that he was anything special… because he [...]

That Time I Didn’t Go To Barcelona On A Toy Plane

→ May 20, 2009 25

Dad: So when I got to Kentucky, I unpacked my bags and I was brushing my teeth in the hotel room… Me: yea? Dad: But then, I realized there was something awry. The toothpaste was really, really white and tingly. Me: Umm… Dad: And you’re probably realizing now, what it took me about two more minutes to realize. Me: Oh no….NO! [...]

Oh, That’s Why My Relationships Sucked

→ April 25, 2009 50

I’m feeling rather nostalgic tonight. And nothing good ever comes from that. As I was sitting here wondering why Moccasins haven’t tried to make a comeback this summer, I got to thinking about my past relationships. Was there a common thread that linked these terrible relationships? Was I the worst judge of character ever to walk the [...]

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

→ April 20, 2009 57

What exactly is it with the Recycle Bin on my desktop? And why is it that everytime I go to empty it, I accidentally delete it? And why is it that when I go to search for it in my computer, it says ‘no results found?’ And why is my computer trying so hard to [...]

Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

→ April 14, 2009 56

This is a snapshot of my life on any given day. …Piles of unopened mail. …30 different notepads with un-descipherable scribbles of random thougths that I’ve written down when I was supposed to be hanging out with someone. After Easter, the Cadbury chocolate bar could be easily substituted for Reeses or anything but Milk Duds. [...]

Oh Yea, That Time I Got Dysentery In Mexico

→ April 10, 2009 44

I’m putting on the cloak of honesty right now. It’s not even mine, I borrowed it permanently from a friend. But still, you know what’s coming. Please listen carefully: All my Facebook amigos, I love you. Really, I do. Because of this ingenius billion dollar idea, [that again, I couldn't seem to have thought of because I was too busy planning other people's weddings or dating [...]

Paris Can Bite Me

→ April 1, 2009 56

I want you all to know that it’s so deliriously late right now that I don’t even have any midnight oil left, I’m running on fumes. Or smoke. Or whatever would be left after you’ve burnt a crap ton of oil. Coldplay is my only companion at such an hour, so consider yourselves a priority. And I’m about to mesmerize [...]

Browsing all posts tagged under »blogging«

Chances Are, I’m A Pervert [Plus Another Announcement]

The Truth About Pimps And Such

You Big, Fat, Fake Smart Person

WANTED: Gray-Haired Black Man With Saxophone Skills

We Not Coming To America If You’re There

Dear ESSENCE Magazine,

Dear Midwest, Without You I’d Be Famous

Here’s The Thing About Men

That Time I Didn’t Go To Barcelona On A Toy Plane

Oh, That’s Why My Relationships Sucked

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

Oh Yea, That Time I Got Dysentery In Mexico

Paris Can Bite Me

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