Children | Blunt Delivery

Breast Pumping Your Way To A Free Mocha

→ April 29, 2009 36

[This is one of my favorite blogs from ole The Daily Elephant days. Some of you have already read it, and some have not. Due to very disappointing and sad circumstances this week, I do not have a creative or funny thought in my head right now - so this is ALL YOU GET! Deal with [...]

Where Beer Flows Like Boxed Wine

→ April 23, 2009 48

It’s no wonder I don’t make any sense. I’m a combination of two polar opposites, who by all rights, should never have met much less married. My mother came from a nazi-strict household where she wasn’t allowed to see movies or go to fooball games, for fear she would encounter Satan himself. She also wasn’t allowed to celebrate Christmas which explains why [...]

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

→ April 20, 2009 57

What exactly is it with the Recycle Bin on my desktop? And why is it that everytime I go to empty it, I accidentally delete it? And why is it that when I go to search for it in my computer, it says ‘no results found?’ And why is my computer trying so hard to [...]

Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

→ April 14, 2009 56

This is a snapshot of my life on any given day. …Piles of unopened mail. …30 different notepads with un-descipherable scribbles of random thougths that I’ve written down when I was supposed to be hanging out with someone. After Easter, the Cadbury chocolate bar could be easily substituted for Reeses or anything but Milk Duds. [...]

Get Up Off My Osh Kosh

→ April 7, 2009 47

I have a confession to make. But that’s no fun, let’s talk about hair. If I were a hairdresser, I would be my dream client. I’m no expert on the scientific terminology of the salon world, but ”2 inches off the back” seems like a pretty easy $40, plus maybe another $5 tip depending on whether or not I’m [...]

Middle School Misfortune

→ March 6, 2009 16

To say that I was an awkward middle-schooler would be to say that grass is green. Or Obama is the Messiah. Or half of my teeth need fillings. There were so many things wrong with me that I might actually have been considered “cute.” In an unfortunate kind of way, of course. My parents always did [...]

How To Avoid The Dentist For Life

→ February 26, 2009 1

Throughout the ages, many philosophers have attempted to answer the question, “Why would I rather be tied up in a glass box and left for dead in the Sahari desert than go to the Dentist?” For me, it started when I was six. It’s bad enough that I inherited my mother’s unbelievably awful teeth, and I always had an average of three cavities EVERY visit [...]

Alice Cooper and Committment Issues

→ February 25, 2009 5

I was thinking that we would touch the subject of commitments and fears and all sorts of deep rooted feelings that surface on a late saturday night. Sound fun? Ok, let’s get right to it: I have serious problems with committment. Hmm. Well, I know I just said I was going to talk about that but [...]

Like Black On A Chalkboard

→ February 24, 2009 2

One of my goals for 2009 was to “stop fabricating the truth” so that means that what you are about to witness is definitely legit. My family is hilarious. We’re like the token Italian family they always showcase in movies, who talk over eachother and have 8 different conversations happening at once. Except, my mom [...]

Why I’m Screwed Up

→ February 22, 2009 0

The problem with me is I had a great childhood. This is a bittersweet fact of my life, as now I have nothing to blame my issues on. My mom wasn’t a career obsessed, impossible to please crazypants, who tried to force me into childhood beauty pageants and acting classes so that she could live [...]

My Lemonade Stand Can Beat Up Your Lemonade Stand

→ February 21, 2009 2

My entrepreneural spirit and business savvy disposition began at an extremely young age. Younger than most. I remember waking up at 5 am., walking over to my neighbor’s house, and telling him that he needed to get his butt in gear and come help me make the cranberry juice. (neither of our moms ever had [...]

Browsing all posts tagged under »children«

Breast Pumping Your Way To A Free Mocha

Where Beer Flows Like Boxed Wine

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

Get Up Off My Osh Kosh

Middle School Misfortune

How To Avoid The Dentist For Life

Alice Cooper and Committment Issues

Like Black On A Chalkboard

Why I’m Screwed Up

My Lemonade Stand Can Beat Up Your Lemonade Stand

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