Browsing all posts tagged under »dating women«
→ September 22, 2009
It’s fall.
If you reside in an area of the country [I like to refer to it as God's favorite] where you experience the change of seasons, then you understand the sheer elation I’m feeling at this very moment as I put on an extremely worn-in hoodie [seriously, it's time I retire it], eat a caramel [...]
→ April 18, 2009
Hold on to your clip on ties. I want you to pop a squat and take a moment to regret all the stupid decisions that you’ve made today. And since you’re probably gonna break a sweat, I’m gonna cool you off with a tropical breeze of insightful knowledge.
My mom gave me a vaccuum and a cactus as a housewarming [...]
→ April 7, 2009
I have a confession to make. But that’s no fun, let’s talk about hair. If I were a hairdresser, I would be my dream client. I’m no expert on the scientific terminology of the salon world, but ”2 inches off the back” seems like a pretty easy $40, plus maybe another $5 tip depending on whether or not I’m [...]
→ April 1, 2009
I want you all to know that it’s so deliriously late right now that I don’t even have any midnight oil left, I’m running on fumes. Or smoke. Or whatever would be left after you’ve burnt a crap ton of oil. Coldplay is my only companion at such an hour, so consider yourselves a priority. And I’m about to mesmerize [...]
→ March 13, 2009
Lately, I’ve received alot of questions to the effect of “how do I find the one?” Well, it just so happens that I have more than a few answers up my very svelte sleeve. I’ve spent weeks, possibly even months [if I were to have logged all my time] researching and compiling data for what [...]
→ March 13, 2009
I had the most horrifying dream of my life last night. I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart was pounding, thoughts were racing… Usually, I don’t have nitemares of this magnitude, but this was a rare exception.
The content of this dream may not be suitable for viewers under the age of 17. So [...]
→ February 25, 2009
So if there’s one thing that might force me to relinquish all respect for my mother, it would be that she loves Neil Diamond. And black licorice. Both, unforgivable offences. If you didn’t know, Neil made a guest appearance on tonight’s Grammies. I wasn’t warned of this, obviously. This gave me no choice but to [...]
→ February 25, 2009
Dearest lovebirds of all shapes and sizes,
With the corniest scam holiday of the year fastly closing in on us, I thought I’d take the opposite approach to many websites, which list “good” Valentines Day gift ideas. This could be because I hate Valentines Day. Or that I take the opposite approach to just about everything. If [...]
→ February 25, 2009
Now it’s time for you to pull up a seat, sharpen your pencil, steal a couple glue sticks, and grab a lunchable [or maybe some of those pre-sliced apples in the little pouches designed for the world's laziest moms]. Please clear your mind of all recent uncomfortable encounters, romantic endeavors gone awry, and anything else [...]
→ February 24, 2009
Harry: “You were going to be a gymnast.”
Sally: “A journalist.”
Harry: “Right, that’s what I said.”
Guys, if you’ve ever been perplexed and confounded by the ways of women, I understand. I do. Although I might be one, I only understand our ways about 45% of the time. But within that 45% of understanding, I am going to [...]
→ February 23, 2009
The other day, when I was hard at work on the internet, I accidentally came across a salad recipe that commanded my undivided atttention. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I’m not one of those birds who eats salads and drinks skim milk. I had just polished off an entire box of Peppermint ice [...]
→ February 23, 2009
So I was at Target yesterday, browsing through the dollar spot, when I picked up a snazzy ‘09 desk calendar for myself. It was right about then, that I realized the time is fastly approaching. ..
A New Year. A clean slate. A fresh start. Full of endless possibility and golden opportunity. I don’t really believe [...]
→ February 23, 2009
Me: can you please be sure to put the cap back on the toothpaste from now on, because otherwise it gets all crusty and you can’t get it out?
Him: umm, ok. (obviously taking offense to this statement which was merely a request, and clearly not an accusation) yes, but can you be sure to [...]
→ February 23, 2009
Him: can you trim my hair? its getting kinda bushy on the sides.
Me: yea, i can do it real quick before i leave.
Him: sweet. thanks (puts towel around his shoulders and sits on the toilet)
Me: (grabs the scissors, picks up the bathroom garbage can, and hands it to him) here. can you hold this please [...]
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