Kids | Blunt Delivery

Knock, Knock. Is Crazy There?

→ May 2, 2009 47

Dear Last Week, Jigga, what just happened? Anxiously awaiting your reply, Blunt. Don’t you worry, if there’s one good thing that can come from having one of the most random, disturbing, and shocking weeks ever is that there is all the more to entertain you with, my dears. I have blog material for two months at least. *On a [...]

Breast Pumping Your Way To A Free Mocha

→ April 29, 2009 36

[This is one of my favorite blogs from ole The Daily Elephant days. Some of you have already read it, and some have not. Due to very disappointing and sad circumstances this week, I do not have a creative or funny thought in my head right now - so this is ALL YOU GET! Deal with [...]

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

→ April 20, 2009 57

What exactly is it with the Recycle Bin on my desktop? And why is it that everytime I go to empty it, I accidentally delete it? And why is it that when I go to search for it in my computer, it says ‘no results found?’ And why is my computer trying so hard to [...]

The Easter Bunny Can Suck It

→ April 13, 2009 41

It’s Easter. I’m sitting next to my dad in church. All of the sudden, right before the service starts he turns to me and grabs my arm: Dad: Oh, you know what? Me: What’s that? Dad: I heard Yanni is coming out with a new cd. If this conversation isn’t the right way to kick off Easter, I don’t know [...]

Get Up Off My Osh Kosh

→ April 7, 2009 47

I have a confession to make. But that’s no fun, let’s talk about hair. If I were a hairdresser, I would be my dream client. I’m no expert on the scientific terminology of the salon world, but ”2 inches off the back” seems like a pretty easy $40, plus maybe another $5 tip depending on whether or not I’m [...]

Dear Rickety Old Lady,

→ March 28, 2009 39

I think now would be a perfect time to discuss goals. Making them, keeping them. For example, one of my goals in the New Year was to stop procrastinating. Actually, you know what? I don’t have time for this, let’s talk about it next week. But what I DO think we should talk about today is [...]

The Hole In My Head: Explained

→ March 25, 2009 36

The only thing that I might find creepier than Neil Diamond or V8 juice would be toddler beauty pageants. That being said, let’s discuss the hole in my head. Since mention of the injury in my last post seemed to cause a great deal of stress for most of you, I thought I’d take a [...]

Kenny Chronicles: Technologically Challenged

→ March 22, 2009 26

So Kenny, my metrosexual best friend and I are doing some errands around town, when my mom calls: Mom: I have a pretty serious problem. Me: What’s wrong?!? Mom: I can’t watch any of my shows. And Dancing With The Stars is premiering tonight and I can’t watch that either! Me: Why? Do you want me to tape it? Mom: Well your dad [...]

Look, Do You Want To Die?

→ March 18, 2009 40

I’m sure you’d never guess it now, but I was a strange child. I grew up in the country so my days consisted of collecting caterpillars, creating my own farmer’s market, and attempting to build tree forts that definately endangered the safety of not only my life but also of my one neighbor friend that [...]

Middle School Misfortune

→ March 6, 2009 16

To say that I was an awkward middle-schooler would be to say that grass is green. Or Obama is the Messiah. Or half of my teeth need fillings. There were so many things wrong with me that I might actually have been considered “cute.” In an unfortunate kind of way, of course. My parents always did [...]

How To Avoid The Dentist For Life

→ February 26, 2009 1

Throughout the ages, many philosophers have attempted to answer the question, “Why would I rather be tied up in a glass box and left for dead in the Sahari desert than go to the Dentist?” For me, it started when I was six. It’s bad enough that I inherited my mother’s unbelievably awful teeth, and I always had an average of three cavities EVERY visit [...]

Alice Cooper and Committment Issues

→ February 25, 2009 5

I was thinking that we would touch the subject of commitments and fears and all sorts of deep rooted feelings that surface on a late saturday night. Sound fun? Ok, let’s get right to it: I have serious problems with committment. Hmm. Well, I know I just said I was going to talk about that but [...]

Like Black On A Chalkboard

→ February 24, 2009 2

One of my goals for 2009 was to “stop fabricating the truth” so that means that what you are about to witness is definitely legit. My family is hilarious. We’re like the token Italian family they always showcase in movies, who talk over eachother and have 8 different conversations happening at once. Except, my mom [...]

Why I’m Screwed Up

→ February 22, 2009 0

The problem with me is I had a great childhood. This is a bittersweet fact of my life, as now I have nothing to blame my issues on. My mom wasn’t a career obsessed, impossible to please crazypants, who tried to force me into childhood beauty pageants and acting classes so that she could live [...]

Browsing all posts tagged under »kids«

Knock, Knock. Is Crazy There?

Breast Pumping Your Way To A Free Mocha

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

The Easter Bunny Can Suck It

Get Up Off My Osh Kosh

Dear Rickety Old Lady,

The Hole In My Head: Explained

Kenny Chronicles: Technologically Challenged

Look, Do You Want To Die?

Middle School Misfortune

How To Avoid The Dentist For Life

Alice Cooper and Committment Issues

Like Black On A Chalkboard

Why I’m Screwed Up

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