Men | Blunt Delivery

You’re At The Top Of Your Class! Too Bad No One Will Ever Care.

→ November 25, 2009 25

Holy crapballs. There’s something we’ve got to talk about before we take this relationship any further. No, I’m not going to talk about the six consecutive years I avoided the dentist, or how I almost married a British heroin addict, or how I almost married a bipolar psychopath, or how I will search for as [...]

Open Letter: How Can We Break Up Without Me Having To Tell You?

→ November 15, 2009 31

[My mother unearthed several boxes of letters from my childhood. I have no clue why they were saved, but what's mine is yours. And if there is one thing more ridiculous than my current life, it would have to be all the time leading up to my current life. Hence, I created the Open Letters [...]

So I Fell Asleep In A Few Bible Classes

→ November 4, 2009 37

[Again, my absence is alarming. To roughly sum it up: new job, photo shoots, writing jobs, sinus infection, best friend's dad had a heart attack, family issues, personal issues, etc. I haven't even put up my Christmas decorations, that is how distracted I've been. If you know me, then you know that means I'm about [...]

We Can’t Even Afford Boxed Wine

→ October 19, 2009 41

Last November I received an early Christmas present. And I want you to know that I’m currently fighting the urge to chase the rabbit trail topic that is “the Holidays” …even though that rabbit happens to be a big, fluffy, white one that I’m very attracted to. I’m doing this for you, because I realize [...]

Why I Hate Women: Part 6 of 7,893

→ October 8, 2009 57

[ In case you missed the first installment, please check out Why I Hate Women: Let Me Count The Ways and then because I got equal amounts of hater/lover responses to said blog, please check out my rebuttal entitled: Dear Haters, Why Do You Love Me So Much? ] I guess hate is very strong word. [...]

Fievel Goes West: Substitute Fievel For Blunt

→ September 30, 2009 27

[written whilst in the middle of the desert] Well. If it wasn’t confirmed by my first trip to New Mexico four years ago, it is definitely a fact that I am allergic to the Southwest. My body has rejected it in every possible way. Not in the same way it rejects mayonnaise, but in the way [...]

Commitment: The Fire Breathing Dragon That Eludes Me

→ September 22, 2009 34

It’s fall. If you reside in an area of the country [I like to refer to it as God's favorite] where you experience the change of seasons, then you understand the sheer elation I’m feeling at this very moment as I put on an extremely worn-in hoodie [seriously, it's time I retire it], eat a caramel [...]

Open Letter: Dear Liar Liar, Your Pants Are Burnt To A Crisp

→ August 28, 2009 36

My life began in a unicorn-filled meadow, where I was fed cinnamon rolls for dinner and had sweet dreams of hot pink, glitter-filled balloons. The only thing I remember getting in trouble for was not finishing a satisfying amount of cinnamon rolls by my mother’s standard-a burden which nearly broke me. But it was my unlikely cross to bear. Each night, I painted the neighborhood [...]

Open Letter: Rejection At Its Finest

→ August 14, 2009 54

As a young and awkward child, I was painfully shy and introverted. Maybe it was my jacked up teeth. Perhaps it was the acne. Or my untameable, frizzy hair before I discovered straighteners or anything other than Pert Plus. It could have been tragic the ankle-length skirts and turtlenecks enforced by my private school dress code. There’s no way of [...]

You Big, Fat, Fake Smart Person

→ July 22, 2009 43

Let me just start by saying a big Blunt Thank You to those of you who faithfully read this blog. I started blogging when I lost my job and needed something to distract me from accidentally running into oncoming traffic realized that I wanted to write books based on my life experiences, except I couldn’t remember half of them. Yes, it could be partly [...]

We Not Coming To America If You’re There

→ July 6, 2009 33

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July free of sky concerts that included Neil Diamond singing “We Coming To America.” For the first time in my meager existence, I did. And it was everything I’d ever dreamed it would be. Lately, as I’ve jogged across the blogosphere [which is about the only place I'm jogging [...]

I Can’t Wait Til Our Lips Meet For 200 Seconds

→ July 2, 2009 49

I have never, nor will I ever return my cart to the cart corral. Is that what they’re called? There’s a more than staggering chance that at some point, your car has been side-swiped by a cart that I’ve left wandering aimlessly throughout the parking lot. But with the economy the way it is and unemployment [...]

Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White. Just Pick One.

→ June 29, 2009 40

No, this isn’t a tribute to Michael Jackson. Hi, you must be new here. Pleasure to meet you; although I hate the word “pleasure” and refuse to use it accept over internet introductions. As mentioned, last Thursday was my much unanticipated and begrudged birthday. Although I didn’t exactly get what I wanted - which was another year of my [...]

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

→ June 25, 2009 38

That would be an exact quote from my loving, very proud, first-time father the moment I was born into this world. I thought for years this was due to the fact that he had never seen a newborn in all it’s alien likeness before; however, my mom set the record straight when she told me I was indeed, [...]

Browsing all posts tagged under »men«

You’re At The Top Of Your Class! Too Bad No One Will Ever Care.

Open Letter: How Can We Break Up Without Me Having To Tell You?

So I Fell Asleep In A Few Bible Classes

We Can’t Even Afford Boxed Wine

Why I Hate Women: Part 6 of 7,893

Fievel Goes West: Substitute Fievel For Blunt

Commitment: The Fire Breathing Dragon That Eludes Me

Open Letter: Dear Liar Liar, Your Pants Are Burnt To A Crisp

Open Letter: Rejection At Its Finest

You Big, Fat, Fake Smart Person

We Not Coming To America If You’re There

I Can’t Wait Til Our Lips Meet For 200 Seconds

Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White. Just Pick One.

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

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