The Kenny Chronicles: A Conversation at Starbucks

Posted on February 22nd, 2009 at 12:33 am by blunt delivery

Kenny, my metrosexual best friend and I meet at a bookstore or Starbucks on a quasi-regular basis to discuss our issues. I think we feel that the bookstore-ish surroundings make us more intellectual than we actually are, which in turn helps us more quickly penetrate to the heart of our problems. Of course, this isn’t really successful because everyone acknowledges that merely sitting in a bookstore does not make you more intellectual

I arrive to find Kenny sitting out on the patio, sipping on an overly-priced mountain of coffee flavored whipped cream and looking rather introspective. As I park my car, I instantly notice a drastic change upon my friend’s all too familiar face. I don’t like change. Before I sit down, I go inside and purchase the ridiculously too-big cookie of the day, which is always some random shape that makes no sense. That day it was a lemon wedge. And the following conversation begins:

Me: Seriously? You got your hair cut.

Kenny: I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Me: But Richie’s wedding is next week.

Kenny: I know. But it’s sooooo hot outside.

seinfeld-jerry-and-elaine Me: Sooo hot? My hair is black and 3 feet long and you don’t see me buzzing it off do you?

Kenny: Relaaaax. IT’S HAIR. It’ll grow back.

Me: Not in ONE WEEK! How many months have I been saying that we need to get some good pictures at this wedding? And you keep it long this entiiiire time….And a week before the wedding you get too hot?

Kenny: I know we need some new pictures. We’ll get some.

Me: No we won’t. because we cannot possibly have cute pictures with your hair hacked off like that.

Kenny: It doesn’t look that bad?

Me: Well it doesn’t look that good. Ugh. This is unbelievable.

For more of the Kenny Chronicles:

How to Talk Yourself Out of Dating Almost Anyone

A Metrosexual in a Yankees hat

A Bad Gordita and Some Classy Water

Black Friday, Depression, and a Salvation Army Chair

How We Met

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