Dear Haters, Why Do You Love Me So Much?

Posted on August 5th, 2009 at 5:42 pm by blunt delivery

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Dear Haters, Why Do You Love Me So Much?

It comes as absolutely zero surprise to me that my most popular post continues to be Why I Hate Women: Let Me Count The Ways.  In fact, I still even get comments on it here and there.  Why is this?  Because everyone hates women.  And in their desperation, they have found a safe place where that ideal will not only be accepted, but encouraged. 

As I’ve stated before, I’ve come to expect that women won’t like me.  It has become my certain destiny, much in the same way I will end up eating tacos on every day that starts with a “T” and my mom will call me at 10:30 pm each night to ensure I’m alive.  There’s something in my genetic makeup.  Maybe it’s the way I walk.  Perhaps they can smell my self-confidence from across the room.  It’s certainly not the way I talk, because they hate me waaay before that.  Who knows.  Farbeit for me to try to unlock the mystery behind centuries of bizarre, unwarranted behavior.

i-hate-womenReally though, you should check out the post and read some of the comments toward the end.  It spans everything from jaded “nice guys,”  who’ve given up on life and women altogether,  thanking me from the bottom of their hearts - to feminazis, who are offended that I’m disowning my own gender in such a manner.

And now, because controversy makes the world go ’round, I’m going to take this opportunity to single out one of the most ridiculous of all ridiculous comments.  Because if you’ve been around here for more than a minute, you’ll know that anything and everything you say could be turned into a public mockery at any moment.  And now, I present to you Crazy-Uptight-Overly-Offended-For-No-Reason-Feminazi [ a.k.a "Leroy Brown"]:

It’s funny how small-minded people love revering to misogyny and sexism for kicks. Then again, I guess it’s all you folk have left–racism not being cool anymore. Too bad you have to live now and not fifty years ago. Then you coulda been sexist AND racist.

Now, what if you’d had the kind of luck where most of the Jewish people you’d ever met had in some way been unpleasant individuals? Would you be jew-haters? Would you be writing an anti-semitic blog post?

Specimens of both genders exhibit undesirable characteristics. HUMANS exhibit undesirable characteristics. Just so you know, your blog makes you sound like an idiot. Now according to your logic, I should assume that you are an idiot because you are a woman. According to my own logic, you are an idiot because you aren’t very good at thinking things through. I hope you improve.

My poinant and restrained response:

hahaah. oh “leroy.” that was hilarious. thank you for the laugh.

I mean, she was joking right?  Of course, I could have made her feel like the stupidest person alive, thus addressing each one of her completely insane and off-base remarks, but if someone is SO STUPID to not even realize that everything on this blog is for humor/ entertainment value and they are SUCH A PRUDE that they can’t even laugh at how unbelievably retarded their own gender acts at times, well then, I’ve got much better things to do.  And more importantly, doesn’t she?

Speaking of haters, I’ve gotten a lot of emails / comments lately from women I haven’t talked to in literally, YEARS.  Possibly decades.  Mainly, because they hated me because of something to do with a boy.  Or their friends didn’t like me, so they had to hate me out of obligation.   The comments express upset about how I recalled a particular story in my life or thinking that a blog was about them, when really I hadn’t even remembered that they existed.  My initial thoughts on this were: 

1. How the in the HEAL did you find my blog?  No, seriously.  Cus I don’t use my full name and we’re certainly not “friends” on any social networks.  I’d be interested in a thorough explanation of this stalking process, in case I should need it for any reason.

2.  And after you hunted down my blog like a crazed psycho, why in the HEAL would you take time to read it? 

3. And after you took the time to read it, why in the HEAL would you take the time to email me?

4.  And why in the HEAL would you think I was writing about you?  I can’t even accurately remember what ethnicity you are.

Of course, these are just my initial thoughts.  There’s no need to get into the rest of them.  But after much ponderment, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because the haters secretly love me.  There is NO OTHER possible explanation.  So shucks, I’ll take it as a compliment. 

Awwwww… you guyyyys.

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